


Self Control

by sokkattome



Series: Cavetown-Inspired Zukka [4]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Established Relationship, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Secret Relationship, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26533648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sokkattome/pseuds/sokkattome
Summary: He didn't know where Zuko's was -- he must cover it up, because Sokka wasn't sure there was a part of Zuko he hadn't memorized. If he could just see it, he'd know... Or if he knew some Fire Nation, he could read his own.Zuko had seen his. Sokka had never tried to cover it up before -- he might have, if it wasn't on his chest and therefore usually obscured by his shirt, considering the distinct language and coloring of the letters. He couldn't read Fire Nation, but the sharp characters were hard to miss. Zuko hadn't commented on it, hadn't offered to translate it. He might have even assumed Sokka already knew what it read.Needless to say, Sokka did not know what it read.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Cavetown-Inspired Zukka [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923589
Comments: 23
Kudos: 543





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title from a Cavetown song. It didn't really end up matching the fic super well, but here we are.  
> Also if you're wondering about Zuko's hair (I know I always am) it's not shaved like in season 1 and it's in a topknot/ponytail thing because I said so.  
> Also also they're both over 18.

An insignificant Earth Kingdom town -- not too big their reputation and image would proceed them, not too small they can't blend in.

Perfect.

They're at a festival -- for what, Sokka doesn't know. He'd stopped learning the Earth Kingdom's written language when his father had left; there had been no one to teach him. And with the world at war, it had seemed unnecessary and trivial. Now, he wished he hadn't given it up.

He wished he'd bothered to learn a little of the Fire Nation dialect and written language, too. Zuko could speak the Southern Water Tribe language -- he could speak all the world languages -- but occasionally he'd say something to Sokka in Fire Nation, and Sokka longed to know what it was.

Then there were the marks.

He didn't know where Zuko's was -- he must cover it up, because Sokka wasn't sure there was a part of Zuko he _hadn't_ memorized. If he could just see it, he'd know... Or if he knew some Fire Nation, he could read his own.

Zuko had seen his. Sokka had never tried to cover it up before -- he might have, if it wasn't on his chest and therefore usually obscured by his shirt, considering the distinct language and coloring of the letters. He couldn't read Fire Nation, but the sharp characters were hard to miss. Zuko hadn't commented on it, hadn't offered to translate it. He might have even assumed Sokka already knew what it read.

Needless to say, Sokka did not know what it read.

He could get Aang to translate -- but then Aang would _know_. And then Aang would tell Katara. Katara knew, of course, of the Fire Nation name tattooed on his skin by the spirits. But if it _was_ Zuko... well, that would be revealing two things Sokka was just not ready to share.

Sokka scanned the crowd, trying not to make it obvious he was looking for someone. He'd sent a messenger hawk, but there was no way of knowing if it had reached its destination. He prayed to the spirits it had.

He turned to Katara, only to meet empty space. He turned back to see Katara and Aang eyeing the flowers at one of the many stalls along the street. 

_Ugh, we get it, you're soulmates, and you found each other, and it's so cool and rad and beautiful or whatever._

He turned to Toph, who wasn't as easily distracted.

"I'm going to shop." It wasn't technically a lie. "Watch those losers." Sokka almost gestured back, but stopped himself. _Blind. Right._

Once he was a good distance away from the rest of his party (and after a short shopping excursion, because there were so many vendors and he just couldn't help himself), Sokka began his search in earnest. They usually met on the highest rooftop, which was... 

Sokka scanned his surroundings.

 _There._ A building so tall he wouldn't be able to see if there was someone atop it.

He hoped there was.

He braced himself in the alley next to the building. He was... _okay_ at parkour. He was no Blue Spirit, though, and it showed. Sokka was almost grateful to find an empty rooftop when he finally clamored up; he didn't want Zuko to see the great force it took for him haul himself over the top of the wall and onto the roof.

He sat, facing the sun, and waited.

It was almost sunset by the time Sokka felt the familiar presence of the cloaked boy slide next to him. He didn't ask why he was late; he never did. It was a tacit understanding between the two boys. Sokka was fairly sure Zuko had given up his hunt, but he hadn't explicitly said so. Sokka wasn't sure he wanted to know. He didn't like thinking about that with Zuko; besides, when he was with him, there wasn't much room in his head for anything other than _Zuko_.

"Hey," the rough voice came from beneath the hood. Sokka turned to the boy and pulled down his hood -- this high up, no one else could see them.

Golden eyes met blue. And spirits, were his eyes _gold._ Amber eyes were common in the Fire Nation -- but not eyes like Zuko's. Not eyes so pure and solid from afar, then revealed a thousand different colors like a kaleidoscope when you got closer.

Sokka pulled Zuko closer.

He held Zuko's face in his hands and kissed him. His lips were warm (they always were; it must be a firebender thing), and he melted into Sokka's arms.

After what felt both like hours and mere seconds simultaneously, the two separated. Zuko leaned into Sokka's side and Sokka held him there as they watched the sunset together.

With his arms around the smaller boy (who really wasn't _that_ much shorter, but was much leaner than Sokka's stocky build, giving the illusion of a significant height difference), Sokka could forget the war. The Avatar. Their quest.

It was just him and Zuko.

"I missed you," Sokka spoke quietly into the other boy's ear (his good one -- Sokka knew he couldn't hear well, if at all, from his left). No one could hear them up here, but it felt private; a message only for Zuko.

Zuko twisted his head to kiss Sokka. "I missed you, too," he whispered into Sokka's mouth; what felt private to Sokka was infinitely more so for the banished prince. Sokka understood; it was only natural, given what Zuko's past. Zuko had only told him a little about his childhood, and Sokka hoped one day he could hear the full story -- but for now, he knew enough to appreciate when what was private to Zuko was shared with him.

Sokka took out the fire lily he had bought earlier (from a different flower shop than the one Katara and Aang were occupying) and tucked it into Zuko's topknot. Zuko smiled, turning back to the sunset to hide his blush.

When the darkness was nearly complete, Zuko stood up, offering Sokka his hand. He didn't let go after pulling Sokka up.

"C'mon," he said softly, and Sokka let Zuko lead him carefully down until they had reached the balcony of one of the rooms in the building. Zuko removed a pin hidden in his topknot and expertly picked the lock, opening the french doors to reveal a small hotel room, complete with a full-size four-post bed.

Sokka hesitated, knowing their time was limited.

"I know you have to go," Zuko said, and looked up into Sokka's eyes, "but stay awhile?"

Sokka grinned down at Zuko. Instead of answering verbally, he swiftly lifted the smaller boy off his feet and carried him to the bed. Zuko let out a very un-Zuko giggle, which made Sokka grin wider.

He placed Zuko onto the bed, hovering over him for a moment, which Zuko used to flip them so he was above Sokka.

Sokka stared into golden eyes, and suddenly the name on his chest didn't matter as much.

* * *

Zuko watched the gentle rise and fall of Sokka's chest as he breathed. He so rarely got to see him like this, since they could never spend a full night together.

He should wake him up. He _would_ wake him up. Eventually.

Sokka had to leave, and Zuko did, too.

But Sokka looked so peaceful. He could wait a few more minutes.

His eyes drifted to the sharp red letters decorating his chest, placed just over his heart. He reached out a hand, but stopped himself before he touched the mark.

Sokka had to leave. He should wake him up.

Just a few more minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko wants to protect Sokka from homophobia in the Fire Nation, but Sokka just wants Zuko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How hasn't Sokka seen Zuko's name written somewhere? Don't worry about it.  
> Jk in this universe they have two written languages: one formal and one informal. As the Ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe to the Fire Nation, Sokka had to learn and commonly sees the formal version; the name on his chest is written in the latter.

The Advisors were pressuring Zuko. 

The entire _nation_ was pressuring Zuko. He wasn't even twenty-one yet, for spirits' sake.

But there had already been three way-too-close-to-successful assassination attempts, so maybe Sokka understood the rush for an heir. 

An heir he couldn't provide.

The Fire Nation wanted Zuko to get married. Sokka doubted a nation that had _just_ lifted the ban on same-gender relationships two years ago (with much resistance) would be very receptive to a husband.

He didn't care, though. He'd known this going in; Sokka was prepared to fight any battle -- physical or civil -- if it meant being with Zuko.

He'd long ago stopped wondering what the name on his chest read. He could easily find out -- he was in a nation full of people who read Fire Nation -- but he didn't want to. If it was Zuko, well, he probably would've said so. If it wasn't, then he didn't care, because _Zuko_ \-- _Zuko_ was his everything, not some random Fire Nation citizen he couldn't even name. He'd let Zuko know that, through his words, through his gifts, among other things...

Which is why this conversation confused Sokka so much.

"What?"

Zuko wasn't looking at Sokka, which was incredibly shitty seeing as he was breaking up with him.

"You don't want to deal with this Sokka, it's- _I'm_ not worth it."

Sokka went from confused to furious. He couldn't stand it when Zuko said things like that. 

"Don't I get to decide that?" Sokka snapped.

"No," Zuko said, annoyingly calm, turning to finally face Sokka. Sokka wished he hadn't. Looking into Zuko's pained expression made his words hurt ten times more.

"So, what?" Sokka taunted. "You're gonna marry Mai, pop out a few, pretend to love her until you die?"

"I don't know!" Zuko yelled. Now they were getting somewhere. "Maybe! I-" Zuko paused and took a breath, closing his eyes. He was much better at managing his temper now, which Sokka was so proud of every moment except this one. He wanted to yell. "You don't deserve this, Sokka. You can find someone else -- a girl -- and be happy. I can't, but-" Zuko opened his eyes and stared into Sokka's. "But I'll be okay knowing you're happy. I couldn't live with myself if I put you through the pain this would bring."

"That's not your decision to make," Sokka spat, unable to control his anger (he lacked the training and techniques Zuko had gained). Zuko spluttered, then sighed as his eyes fell, lingering on Sokka's chest for a moment before dropping to the ground. 

Oh.

"This is about the mark, isn't it." It wasn't a question. "Zuko, you know I don't care about that. I love _you_ , and you are my _person_ , soulmates be damned. I don't even know what-"

"It's not about the mark," Zuko interrupted. His eyes remained on the floor.

"It's okay, Zuko," Sokka continued, ignoring Zuko's protest, "but I don't even know what the name says, and I don't care, because-"

"It's not about the mark," Zuko insisted. Sokka narrowed his eyes.

"Okay..." he said, "are you sure? Because I really can't tell you how little the name-"

" _IT'S MY NAME, SOKKA!_ " Zuko burst, finally looking up from the floor. Sokka stared, wide-eyed, in shock. Speechless. "It's _my_ fucking name, and that isn't fair to you, because the spirits stuck you with a fucked-up person who also happens to be _running the most homophobic nation in the world._ "

Sokka stared. He was struggling to muster together a cohesive thought; words weren't coming anytime soon.

Zuko stared back, panting and red, but paling quickly as his panic began to kick in. That triggered Sokka's brain and he spit out: "It's your name?"

Zuko looked back down. "Yeah, Sokka, that's what I said."

"But-" But how long had he known? But why hadn't he told Sokka? But why had he wasted so much time wondering? "But where's yours?"

Carefully, Zuko pulled down the neck of his robe to reveal a small burn scar on his shoulder. He had so many, Sokka hadn't thought anything of it. 

He didn't know why he hadn't thought of this before, though. In retrospect, it seemed an obvious conclusion.

His mark was burned off; what had once read _Sokka_ in the beautiful rounded characters of the Southern Water Tribe was now a faded burn scar. 

Sokka reached out a hand, hesitantly. Zuko nodded, and Sokka reached forward and ran his fingers along the scar. He could just barely feel the raised letters, but he would never have recognized it as spelling _Sokka_ had he not already known.

"This is what happens when you're gay in the Fire Nation," Zuko pleaded, golden eyes wet as he stared up into Sokka's blue ones. "Please Sokka... you don't want this. It's not worth it."

Sokka held the other man's face in his hands. "I love you, Zuko. And you will _always_ be worth it. You don't get to make this choice for me. _I choose you,_ and whatever comes after will be okay because I'll have _you._ Zuko, I wouldn't be happy with someone else -- I _couldn't_ be. You are the love of my life, and I would do anything to protect this."

Sokka leaned down to kiss his boyfriend. Zuko melted into the touch, as always, and Sokka held him tightly.

"Okay," Zuko said, laughing into Sokka's mouth (a little hysterically). 

"Okay?" Sokka grinned.

"Okay," Zuko said again, grinning back. Then his eyes went wide.

"Oh, the Fire Sages are going to _kill_ me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fire sages: PROTECT THE BLOODLINE  
> sokka: surrogate?  
> fire sages: ...  
> zuko: can't argue with that


End file.
